The Kidney Bean

Welcome to Frankie's Beans

Hi everyone Frankie here for another edition of - you guessed it - Frankie’s Beans.

It’s been a rough and tumble week for ol Frankie Da Beanz — I was nearly scammed out of $800 yesterday by someone pretending to be

Alex Dobrenko`

who as you all know I am a huge fan of because of his writing on Both Are True the newsletter.

So there I am talking with “Alex” who says he can help promote Frankie’s Beans and everything and I even tell him about how I want to write about Kidney Beans (the topic of this newsletter today) and he seems interested like genuinely interested and so I start to open up and share some stuff about my landlord and how its just my dad which is a fact I almost never NEVER EVER NEVER tell anyone because its capital T Embarassing but I told him and he said ok I will promote you on Both Are True but you have to pay me $1000 and honestly I was ready to pay it.

If you know anything about me you know I am in a WORLD of HURT when it comes to money stuff but yeah I figured this is it baby this is how you strike when the iron is OUCHIES TOO HOT and so I was like fuck it I’ll use my mom’s credit card and just blame my dad for it but anyways we never got that far because your boy Frankie is smart.

Let me pause for a moment and talk about the Kidney bean.

In case you didn’t know, the human kidney is modeled after the Kidney bean. There is so much proof about this that it’s stupid to even consider arguing about it so just drop it.

Kidney beans are expensive

According to reliable source Mundus Agri, kidney bean prices are on the rise because the people who grow the beans were not good at the stock market and now they gotta make up for their losses by charging way too much for Kidney beans.

That’s why the kidney bean is so expensive - look a can is about $92 cents and a big ol bag is $192 cents since you pay a lot more not to deal with the can.

Compared to real kidneys

Kidney beans are a steal of a deal. Real Kidneys cost on average $150,000 dollars. That’s how much you pay for one. Somehow the seller only gets $5,000 dollars, which means the seller must have made a HUGE MISTAKE in how he was handling the money cuz he lost $145,000 dollars.

Not gonna lie I have considered sselling a kidney to help promote Frankie’s Beans.

According to Google Search Labs AI Overview you don’t need two kidneys at all. Seems like you barely need one.

All Kidneys do is filter stuff which you can do by eating coffee filters. It works the same trust me.

Anyways I’m pretty sad about the whole Alex Dobrenko thing today. I thought I’d finally hit gold but I’d just hit bottom. At least I didn’t sell that Kidney. Honestly I would have done it but the whole ‘surgery’ part turned me off. Too much blood. Like why can’t you just take the kidney without all that?

Kidney beans are messy and so is life. That’s about as good of a metaphor as I can do today because I am mega sad. But I know I would be even more sad with only one Kidney.

I guess that’s it - you can look at life as having one kidney too many or one kidney too few. Right now I’m starting to feel like two kidneys is just right.

Thanks for listening and for being here as always.

Next up: The Garbanzo bean