Beantown

+ Airbnbnb my new bean business

a photo i took in beantown

When I was a young boy and still went by my legal name - Frankfurt - I would often dream of a little place an hour or two away from our family’s home in Ohio called Beantown where only people I loved would love. They would all be my family — my mom and dad, of course, and also a few uncles and some but not all of their children aka My Good Cousins.

Any resident of Beantown could invite up to three guests. There was paperwork involved but not a lot of it - Beantown was not going to become an administrative nightmare.

I’d fall asleep thinking about Beantown, dream about Beantown, and wake up sad that I was no longer in Beantown but back, instead, in Cincinnatti Ohio which is a good enough place but it sure ain’t Beantown.

When I was 19, I found out that there already was a Beantown - Boston, MA. Wow, I thought, the place I’d dreamed of all my life exists.

Using the money I’d saved up from selling storebrand cereal inside of brand name cereal boxes (take a bag of Magic Treasures, stick it in a box of Lucky Charms etc), I bought a ticket to Boston, MA.

Color me depressed when I arrived in Beantown and saw that it was nothing like I’d imagined. There were so many people who were not my uncles or cousins. In fact, Marcus was there who is the #1 cousin not allowed in my Beantown. But he was there and we ran into each other at the airport because I guess my mom had told him I’d be there and so I ended up having to stay with Marcus and his girlfriend Marcia (not making this up).

why do they call it beantown

According to local propoganda rag bostonmagazine.com:

Puritans, who faithfully observed the Sabbath by not working or cooking on Sundays, prepared giant crocks of baked beans on Saturday, which were kept warm in their hearth throughout the weekend. Soon enough, visitors started referring to Boston as “Beantown.”

How the hell does that make any sense? So to not work on Sunday you’re gonna work extra hard on Saturdday??? Why not just work a little each day and take big breaks to relax and then you maybe wouldnt have to eat beans two days in a row (my nightmare).

Anyways, Marcus and Marcia gave me a tour of ‘Beantown’ and the history crap turned out to be pretty cool. America it turns out was created by a bunch of rebels who refused to pay taxes, just like me. I mean, my mom still has her ‘CPA’ do my taxes which don’t ammount to much since my line of work (taking store brand items and reselling them inside of brand name containers) is 100% under the table aka cash only aka stay out of my business IRScuse me.

Marcus and Marcia fought a lot about the weather so I decided to get a hotel when my friend the great Tyra Rex (hi Tyra) told me about Airbnb, a site where you pay money to sleepover at a stranger’s house.

Color me shocked and appalled. First off, what a great idea for an online business.

But second off, damn it - Airbnb was the name of a business I planned on starting soon that would mail you a delicious bean&bean dinner with a bunch of stuff to help you turn your own home into a nice bed&breakfast vibe . So there’d be a fancy tablecloth, some weird wallart that said “home is the heart” and of course a bunch of wicker baskets.

The key would be the bean&beans. You’d get two types of beans - one type for dinner and another for breakfast. That’d be the real sell. I’d buy them obviously store brand too but would stuff em into Goya cans.

Anyways I can’t do that now since this stupid website exists which, again, I have to say i am loving — I’m writing this actually from Charles and Charlotte’s place here in Worcester which believe it or not you pronounce as Wuster.

I’m not giving up yet though. In fact, I’m excited to announce Airbnbnb where you will receive THREE types of beans - two legume style beans and some coffee beans for the morning. I should have thought of that earlier but that’s Frankie Bean for you.

Anyways, I don’t have a website yet but if you are interested in Airbnbnb plz let me know - I will be sending over Goya Black Beans, Goya Garbanzo Beans, and Stumptown Coffee Beans.